My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just want nice things and good sex
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
