I want to stick my p in your. b.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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