Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
