I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
