Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
