Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
