Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i would punch a child for taco bell
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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