k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
