he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
