got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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