Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
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