There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
