THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
