If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
