I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
