I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We're too hungover to prance.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
