My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
