his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
