We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
