i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
