I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
