Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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