a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm having to shit out rocks
tell me about the eggs
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
