She said her name was "party"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Randomize
