she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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