So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i will never coherently bang her
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
