U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
