I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
