i just had sex bonerless
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize