Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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