nut hugger
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
