piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
