Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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