I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
