Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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