if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
