have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
