Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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