it hurts more in the daytime
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
