Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You can't just leave with hair like that
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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