Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
