My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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