my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
false alarm, still single
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
