I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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