Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He felt like a one man threesome
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
