Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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