barbara walters just said penis...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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