Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Vodka?
Forever.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
