I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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