Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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