I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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