last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
