my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This is classic penis vs brain.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
